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Nov 19, 2019
Brenda R. Smyth, Supervisor of Content Creation
We’ve all witnessed road rage on our commutes to work. Your lane is ending and you slip over in front of that massive pickup truck only to have the driver riding your rear bumper for the next 11 miles, until he can whip around you almost taking off your front bumper.
And, of course, we all know what it feels like to be angry. But when that anger is explosive and uncontrolled, it can have negative effects on your work, relationships and health.
Wouldn’t it be better if you could choose how you respond when you’re angry rather than reacting?
Psychologists tell us that anger can be a mask for other emotions. So if you struggle with explosive anger, becoming more aware of your emotions before you explode is the key to gaining control of yourself. This takes conscious effort and practice.
Count to 10 (or further if you’re still not calm). “Be careful with your words. Once they are said they can only be forgiven, not forgotten.” With this in mind, don’t respond until you have control of yourself. When you do respond, control your voice, your mannerisms and your words. Communicate your anger without ranting. Telling someone you’re angry is important, but can be accomplished without being out of control.
Periodically pause to check your emotional state, suggests Robert Taibbi L.C.S.W for pscyhologytoday.com. Consider your mood. What are you feeling? Are you irritated, anxious, ignored, angry, worried, happy, enthusiastic, appreciated? What caused these feelings? Being more conscious of what you’re feeling enables you to stay in control. Learn to notice when you’re starting to feel annoyed and know how to step away to regain control of your emotions.
It’s easier to address concerns before they turn to rage. And taking early positive action helps you feel more in control. A colleague appears to dismiss your concerns regarding a new project. You’re certain there’s trouble ahead. You begin to feel frustrated and stressed because you know you’ll be the one picking up the pieces when things fall apart. But the co-worker waves off your worries as unfounded.
“Your anger makes it easy to blame others for making you feel that way, and to expect them to do something to make you feel better (like do what you want),” reminds Taibbi. But your emotions are your responsibility and you need to be able to calm yourself. Meditation, focused breathing, stepping away, counting and visualizing are all techniques people use to self-soothe. Experts suggest practicing these often to make them more effective when you really need them.
Anger is a valid emotion that can’t be eliminated. Taking time to truly understand your other negative emotions (frustration, fear, jealousy, disappointment, worry, disgust, etc.) helps you respond in a controlled, more effective way. Letting colleagues know of growing concerns, frustration or worry before it escalates will help keep anger from building, allowing you to stay in control.
Download our recorded webinar, Constructive Ways to Manage Anger.
Or register for our live, virtual workshop: Developing Your Emotional Intelligence.
Brenda R. Smyth
Supervisor of Content Creation
Brenda Smyth is supervisor of content creation at SkillPath. Drawing from 20-plus years of business and management experience, her writings have appeared on Forbes.com, Entrepreneur.com and Training Industry Magazine.
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