How You Respond … Is a Key Part of the Listening Process

5 Ineffective Listening Responses

Listening is hard. You’re distracted. You’re not interested. You’re evaluating, making assumptions and judgments. Even good listeners can have a few bad listening habits. But sometimes, even when you’ve listened well, it’s your response that’s ineffective. And your response is a key part of the listening process.

Here are examples of poor responses:

1. Judgmental

   Often label, blame or criticize

   Make people feel stupid, inferior or inadequate

   Examples:

   “I can’t believe you would do ….”

   “You’re wrong; that’s not it.”

   “When are you ever going to get it?”

    

2. Patronizing

   May appear supportive

   Actually placating and distracting

   Examples:

   “It couldn’t be that awful.”

   “This isn’t such a big deal ….”

   “Things will work out—just let it go.”

    

3. Interpretive

   Interprets the speaker’s motives and behavior seemingly better than himself or herself

   Examples:

   “What’s really bothering you ….”

   “Anyone can see he did ….”

   “As we all are aware ….”

    

4. Interrogating

   Pointed, rapid-fire questions to determine blame

   Examples:

   “What could you have been thinking?”

   “Did you consider leaving the area?”

   “Why in the world did you do that?”

    

5. Empathetic

   Sympathizing

   Can cut off any further action

   Examples:

   “Forget about it; everything is fine ….”

   “Don’t worry ….”

   “I’m sure he’ll understand if you just explain ….”

Everyone can (and should) learn to listen well. But, remember how you respond is integral to the listening process. Be careful not to be judgmental, patronizing, interpretive, interrogative or empathetic. Don’t advise. Don’t evaluate. Don’t reassure. Your goal as a listener is to understand and to let the other person know that you do.