When Two Managers Don’t Get Along: Resolving Conflict

When you think of conflict at work, you might picture two coworkers bickering – or maybe they’re not even speaking. We’ve all seen friction like this.

However, only a small portion of workplace conflict occurs between workers in lower-level positions, according to workplacepeaceinstutute.com. 

Perhaps surprisingly, conflict between managers or senior leadership accounts for 64% of workplace conflict. And that friction can cause poor working relationships that lead to distrust, delays, decreased information sharing, and stress.

What causes conflict at work?

Conflict often happens when two people’s concerns aren’t compatible with each other. 

That’s right. It’s not usually a personality thing. In fact, chances are high – and research supports it – that there’s more at play than simply two people wired differently. 

Instead, there could be disagreement about the content of tasks or misalignment of expectations. One person understands the assignment differently than the other – a communication issue.

And another big culprit: organizational systems and structures that have workers competing for limited resources, pursuing different goals, juggling interdependencies, or navigating role silos. 

For example, if you’re sharing people or supplies with another department and you both have your own set of projects, tasks, and deadlines, it’s easy to butt heads as you jockey for something that’s scarce. Or if your team’s work is dependent upon another team which is chronically late, there’s friction. Same applies for goals. You’ve likely witnessed how two sets of goals for two different departments can put people at odds, even though everyone is doing exactly what they’re incentivized to do. 

These examples are not personality clashes but rather systems that inadvertently pit two departments – and their managers – against one another. 

Why does this distinction matter? 

Because once you start looking at conflict in an objective, less personal way, it’s easier to resolve – in turn making it easier to focus on gaining clarity and finding a solution that works for everyone.

What should you do if you’re not getting along with another manager?

Navigating the friction between you and another leader takes finesse. And here’s where personality and interpersonal skills come into play. Many people have trouble approaching disagreements in an assertive, respectful way. They get aggressive. Or they choose to avoid the discussion (and you) so nothing changes or gets resolved. 

There are lots of variables when you’re not getting along with someone. Is it something the other person is doing? Is it something you’re doing (or not doing)? Or is it an organizational system that’s aggravating your relationship? 

In general, here are some steps to address the conflict:   

1. Plan for a conversation. 

Take time to consider instances when there’s friction. And along with that, consider what’s causing it. Is something you’re doing contributing? This is a tough thing for many people because it’s human nature to give ourselves the benefit of the doubt or rationalize our behavior while attributing someone else’s behavior to a character flaw or being intentional. Lateness: “I’m late because I had 12 other projects.” “They’re late because they’re disorganized.”

Also, think about what you want to accomplish – repair the relationship or just get through the next project? And consider how you think the other person will react when you talk with them. Contemplating these things beforehand will make you better prepared.

2. Talk with the person in private. 

Stay calm. Focus on specific behavior you can define. Don’t say “You don’t seem to like me.” It’s too general and focuses on your assumptions about behavior. Instead, use “I” pronouns to describe specific behavior that indicates there’s friction. Also mention how it’s affecting you or your teams. “Because of this, I think our teams aren’t sharing information and are less inclined to work seamlessly together.”

Don’t react if the other person responds emotionally. It’s likely they’ll vent their own opinion of the situation or relationship. When they do, listen without interrupting and accept your part in it by saying something like, “I could do that better” or “I’m happy to adjust how I do that.”

3. Agree on future expectations. 

End the conversation by discussing how you can both make changes going forward. “In future, if I overstep, miscommunicate, etc., please let me know.” “I will respond to your emails the day you send them. Can I count on you to share the weekly data so we’re working together?”

4. Observe and acknowledge changes in behavior.

Be watchful for change. When you notice any effort to correct the situation, acknowledge it and thank the person. If there’s no change, make note and talk to them again. It’s also important that after your conversation you don’t avoid the other person. That will just make things more uncomfortable.

5. Ask for support up the ladder. 

Complaining to someone higher up is your last resort. You’re in a leadership position, so it’s expected that you can navigate interactions on your own. If your efforts don’t work and you need support to keep the relationship from affecting your work, be ready. Have notes of exactly what is happening and the efforts you’ve made to resolve things.

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How can you define clear roles when managers’ responsibilities overlap?

People work together best when they know where their responsibilities begin and end. Without this clarity, there’s confusion – territory disputes, duplicate work, or tasks coming up short or falling through the cracks. 

Sometimes, even when roles start out well-defined, they can morph as projects progress, causing what were once clear responsibility lines to blur. It takes communication, curiosity and compromise to reestablish responsibilities. 

Follow the steps outlined earlier of preparing for and talking with the individual and agreeing on a clear path forward. 

As you plan for the conversation, be clear on what your own role should be. If that means rereading your job description, do so. Also consider how the skills for the overlapped areas mesh with the skills on your and the other manager’s teams. Are there obvious alignments?

When you have the conversation, be specific about the projects and instances where there’s been overlap and confusion, and how it affects you, your team or your customers. Be sure your comments are objective. “I feel your team is not doing their part” is inflammatory rather than objective. Instead, be specific. Follow this with a suggestion about how you think the work can be divided efficiently. Then, let the other manager speak. 

Some compromise may be necessary. And once you’ve reached an agreement, clarify it in writing. Then pay close attention as the next project unfolds to see that everyone is sticking to the plan.  

How can you collaborate with a manager who is undermining you?

When you feel another manager is trying to make you look bad at work, it’s stressful. There are signs – excluding you, withholding information, taking credit for your ideas, or spreading rumors. 

While the behavior may not be aggressive or blatant, it’s important to consider how to handle it. 

You could ignore it if it’s a one-time thing or appears to be unintentional. You could get revenge which might feel good in the moment but doesn’t change anything. Or, the best approach – especially if you must continue working with this person – is to address it directly and forgive the individual. 

Prepare for the conversation with specific, clear, and recent examples. When you meet, talk about the instances and how they affect you or your team. Suggest better ways to work together. 

Let the other person respond. If they’re angry, let them talk without interrupting. If they’re surprised and apologetic, forgive them and move on.

Discuss expectations going forward. If there are systems in place that are pitting you against each other, talk through them and consider suggestions you can make to leadership for changes – so it’s easier for you to work without infringing on each other’s space. And finally, work to build a better relationship with this person going forward.

Is there a point where you should get HR involved to mediate between managers?

Conflict is part of every workplace. However, when conflict escalates to the point of bullying, harassment, or discrimination you should involve HR right away. And anytime you feel unsafe in dealing with the other party, involve HR.

When the conflict between you and another manager is simply irritating and stressful but doesn’t cross that line, trying to resolve it on your own is a good first step. That said, an HR professional can often be a sounding board for you as you work to resolve difficult work relationships on your own. They can offer advice. They can also get involved if your resolution attempts don’t seem to work. 

Conflict between managers or leaders is more common than you think. If it’s a one-time thing, ignoring it is often the best bet. But when it’s ongoing, affects work output or your mental wellbeing, it’s better to get to the bottom of what’s going on, find resolutions, and begin building a better relationship with the other person.