What Your Favorite Halloween Candy Reveals About Your Office Personality

There are a lot of discussions this year about how the COVID pandemic may affect Halloween traditions in America. Judging by human behavior, the lizard part of our brains, nine months' worth of videos showing packed restaurants, bars, and beaches, 4th of July events, collegiate back-to-school parties on campus, plus the mind-blowing stress the country has been under in 2020, I think you'll see plenty of trick-or-treating from both kids and adults to blow off some steam. 

(For those of you worried about the kids, here is a FANTASTIC piece about safe Halloween activities put out by the American Academy of Pediatrics and HealthyKids.org that offers clear and concise advice for making Halloween fun for you and any kids in your life. Exceptional work!)

But back to today's blog about everyone's favorite Halloween candy and what your favorite munchie says about your personality at the office.

Dracula Division — Chocolate Candy         

1. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups

The absolute champion of Halloween candy and don’t even try to change my mind. Anyway, I digress … Smooth as silk, you are everyone’s confidante at work. You have the trust of the entire office and get all the best gossip at lunch because people know you won’t blab.

Well ... you don't blab until you get home to your spouse or significant other. Wow ... you spill your guts to them! You can always identify the partner of a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup eater at holiday office parties because he or she already knows all the shenanigans going on in the company.   

2. Snickers

Not flashy, but dependable. You are the glue that holds the department together, adaptable on the fly, and able to handle any crisis with cool, calm professionalism. You always have a subtle grace about you. The all-inclusive mixture of chocolate, caramel, nougat, and peanuts proves that you’re ready for any situation. While you are not as loved as your flashier co-workers are, you are well-liked and respected by everyone.

3. M&M’s

M&M lovers are smaller in stature and always moving. You can’t stay on anything for more than a few days before you get bored and need to move on to the next project. Extremely outgoing, every work team needs you on it to keep morale high and to make sure things are on time. Like your candy, you stay consistent even when the heat is on.

4. Butterfingers

My second-favorite bar of all-time, Butterfinger people are in sales, marketing, or one of the creative departments of your company. You can be a tad hyperactive and always want to be out doing something adventurous. You’re the first to try the new restaurant for lunch or whatever the new microbrew is at the local bar. You have no clue what’s popular in movies or on TV because you don’t watch either of them. At work, everyone loves to have you on their team because you’re brilliant and make everyone laugh. That is until you exhaust them, and they need a break from you.

5. Hershey Bars

You’re the office introvert and not a huge fan of change, but you’re loyal to a fault and pretty much everyone’s right-hand man/woman. The huge amount of work you get accomplished is proportionately inverse to how little you get paid. But you don’t mind because, when the company does well, everyone does well, right?

On the rare weekend that you don't bring work home with you, you'll crash on your couch streaming classic movies and, feeling a little wild, you get a Hershey bar with almonds. Then, after two or three glasses of white wine, you break out the bag of assorted miniatures and eat all the Mr. Goodbars first because you’re wicked.       

6. Twix or Rolos 

You're a child trapped in an adult's body and you've made it into mid-level management simply because the right person adores you.   

Frankenstein Division — Non-chocolate Heavy Hitters       

1. Starbursts   

You are a dichotomy wrapped in an enigma surrounded by a riddle. You can be the life of the party, and hands-down the most popular person at work, but like the tightly wrapped, color-coded individual candy piece you love, you demand structure in your life. Colorful most of the time, you turn surly the next minute. However, you always come through in the clutch when a project hangs in the balance. You will sacrifice your needs for the good of the company at times, but you’ll be sure to let them know about it later. 

2. Twizzlers/Red Vines 

Okay, okay … I lumped these together for purposes of this blog, but Twizzlers and Red Vines are the Mr. Pibb/Dr. Pepper of the candy world. Fans will fight to the death over which one is better and there are a million articles online about the two.

Regardless of which one you prefer, due to an oral fixation, you are a brilliant talker on a wide range of subjects. Multitasking is no problem for you, and this is the perfect hand-held candy you can munch on while working. You are destined to go into management at some point in your career and, by God, you’ll be brilliant!

3. Nerds

Forgive me if this is sexist, but I’ve never met a female over the age of 14 whose favorite candy is Nerds. However, if you are, you’re another kid who never grew up. You probably work in a job where adult social skills aren't a job necessity. Your favorite beverage is Mountain Dew or root beer. You will never be at any one company for more than five years because honestly, they just “don’t get you.” Hedonistic to a fault, you’ve been known to put eight mini-boxes of Nerds in your mouth at one time while playing Fortnite on PlayStation.  

4. Skittles

You are a close cousin to the M&M’s lovers except for the fact you don’t like chocolate. Along with the Kit Kat/Twix group, you are the most giving people in the office. You'll cheerfully share everything and are always trying to get a group together to feed the homeless at the holidays or fix up houses for Habitats for Humanity. Former President Jimmy Carter knows you by name.

Technically, Halloween is your second-favorite holiday because you know the day after it’s over you can start putting up your Christmas decorations.         

Wolf Man Division—The Best of the Rest      

1. Kit Kats 

By far the most generous of the chocolate bars, sharing with others is the entire purpose for the existence of Kit Kats. At work, you’ve never said "No" to anything. Boss needs you to work overtime? No problem! Give up a weekend to get that big presentation finished? Whatever it takes, team!

2. Pixie Sticks

Be honest, you have an addictive personality and you're hanging on by a thread to your sanity. And if Mark from Accounting gets on your butt about your expense reports one more time, by gosh, you'll ... you'll ... you'll ....  

3. Tootsie Rolls

The Jack or Jill of all trades in the office, your predictability is your greatest strength. Being predictable does not make you boring, however. Your co-workers, customers and clients know what to expect from you and it is always excellent work. Co-workers can count on you to never change, which is exactly what the department needs when times get crazy. You’re not into social media too much except to keep up with family and college friends. Your podcast list is largely true crime in topic and you’re determined to be the one who discovers Jack the Ripper’s true identity.

4. Milk Duds

Milk Dud people are introverts who don’t talk much voluntarily. You haven’t said one thing willingly in a meeting for years. Part of the reason you love Milk Duds is that you can easily sneak a box into movie theaters — even if you’re a purse-less male like me. (Not that I would EVER do that!) Female Dud-ettes can sneak an entire four-course meal inside their purses — complete with wine. 

Lame Creature from the Black Lagoon Division — The 4 Worst Halloween Candies

1. Candy corn 

One of my favorite human beings on the planet actually gets excited to talk about his love of candy corn, so it pains me to say this, but if candy corn is your Halloween favorite, you have issues. Your quiet demeanor hides the fact that you are a ticking time bomb and need psychiatric help. 

2. Circus Peanuts 

Even before the pandemic, you were a remote worker. Your boss and nervous co-workers often describe you as “quiet” and say that you "always kept to himself (or herself)”, which is code for “serial killer.” You’re likely on some sort of watch list, whether it is the local police, the FBI, or the NSA. Or a combination of all three. 

3. Popcorn Balls 

You are in your nineties and own the company with an iron hand. You grew up during the Great Depression and think — just like pay raises and health insurance — these darn kids today always want something for nothing. Why, in your day, you put 22 good hours a day in at the steel mill or garment factory and got paid a nickel which went right home to pay rent so your family didn't get evicted. You don't have time for this All Hallow's Eve foolishness, by gum! 

4. Necco Wafers

Known as "America’s oldest candy," does it surprise anyone that a culinary-challenged Brit invented this tasteless, chalky, and dusty “candy” wrapped in wax paper? And that he invented it back in 1847 before food was required to taste good? If this was your favorite candy as a kid, you got beat up a lot and it still holds true today in the office. You’re the “red stapler” person of the office who everyone walks over, and you will never, ever, EVER get a raise or promoted. Ever.

Well, folks, that’s it for this edition. I'm sure I'll do another holiday-themed blog in the upcoming months, so keep checking back in. And, as always, thanks for reading, and please share this post if you liked it. It's always nice to share a little bit of laughter (and Halloween candy) amongst friends. Now, where are those Reese’s PB Cups???