10 Jokes to Celebrate National Salesperson Day

Today (March 3) is National Salesperson Day throughout the country and we’re going to take a moment to celebrate this hard-working group. Since we’re a training company, we could have used this opportunity to talk about the need for sales training. Instead, since it is Friday and we’re in the mood for some laughs, we picked 10 of our favorite salesperson jokes that we can actually post without offending anyone.  Or, maybe almost everyone.

Happy National Salesperson Day!

 

 1. Overworked office manager

Salesman: “This software will cut your workload by 50 percent!”

Exhausted office manager: “That’s great … I’ll take two copies.”

 

2. Everything is bigger in Texas

A small-town Texas lad named Chet applied for a salesman’s job at a city department store. The store was the biggest in the world and sold everything under the sun.

At the interview, the boss took an immediate liking to the boy and told him he could start the next day. “I’ll come and see how you made out after we close up,” the boss said.

The day was long and hard for the young man, but finally it was 5 o’clock. The boss closed up the store and found the lad sitting, slumped and exhausted, in a chair. “How many sales did you make today?” the boss asked.

“One,” said Chet.

“One?” said the boss, obviously displeased. “Most of the salespeople on my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day when they start off. How much was the sale worth?”

“Exactly $101,334.53,” replied Chet.

“What? How in the world did you manage that?” asked the boss as his jaw dropped.

“Well,” said Chet, “this man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium fish hook, and finally a really large hook. Then I sold him a small fishing line, a medium one, and huge one. I asked him where he was going fishing, and he said he was going down the coast. I said he’d probably need a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that fancy 22-foot Chris Craft with twin engines. Then he said his little Honda Civic probably wouldn’t be able to handle the load, so I took him to the vehicle department and sold him a new GMC 1-ton pickup truck.”

“You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook?” the boss asked in astonishment.

“He didn’t come in to buy a fish hook,” Chet explained. “He came in to buy a bottle of migraine aspirin for his wife, and I said to him, ‘Your weekend’s shot. You might as well go fishing.'”

3. Toothbrush

The top toothbrush salesperson at a company was asked by her boss how she managed to sell so many brushes. She replied, “It’s easy” and she pulled out her card table, setting her display of brushes on top.

She told his boss: “I lay the brushes out like this, and then I put out some potato chips and dip to draw in the customers.”

After laying out the chips and dip, her boss said, “That’s a very innovative approach,” and took one of the chips, dipped it, and stuck it in his mouth.

“Yuck, this tastes terrible!” his boss yelled, spitting the chip and dip out. .

The salesperson gleefully replied: “I KNOW!!! Want to buy a toothbrush?”

 

4. It’s all in the approach  A young salesperson peeped into the office of someone who looked like a sales manager, muttered something then started walking away. After retreating a little he seemed to change his mind, seemed to head back to the door, where after some hesitation, he started to back away again. The sales manager, feeling sorry for the young man, and surprised that he was so badly trained, called him in.

“You’re a salesman aren’t you? What are you selling?”

“Sir … uh … yes … I’m a salesman. I’m sorry to bother you. I was selling insurance, but I’m sure you don’t want any. Sorry to have wasted your time.”

Feeling sorry for the young bungler, the sales manager bought two policies to give the young salesman some confidence and then started teaching him about selling. He said: “You should have different pre-planned approaches for different kinds of–”

“But I do, sir,” the young salesman interrupted, “the one I just used is my planned approach for sales managers. It always works. Thank you!”

 

5. Underperformer contest
A sales manager was addressing his underperforming sales force at the start of a new month:

“We are going to have a sales contest this month. The winners will get to enter NEXT month’s contest.”

 

6. Seems a little obvious

Salesman at University Bookstore: “Would you like to buy a pocket calculator?”

Incoming Freshman Customer: “No, thanks. I know how many pockets I have.”

 

7. Oh, he’s smooth ….

A salesman was demonstrating unbreakable combs in a department store. He was impressing the people who stopped by to look by putting the comb through all sorts of torture and stress.

Finally, to impress even the skeptics in the crowd, he bent the comb completely in half, and it snapped with a loud crack. Without missing a beat, he bravely held up both halves of the unbreakable comb for everyone to see and said, “And this, ladies and gentlemen, is what an unbreakable comb looks like on the inside.”

 

8. Lucky cats
A famous art collector is walking through the city and, as he approached the city’s biggest art gallery, he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store. He does a double take. He recognizes that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for $2.

The storeowner replies: “I’m sorry, but the cat isn’t for sale.”

The collector says: “Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I’ll pay you $20 for that cat.”

And the owner says, “Sold!” and hands over the cat when the collector hands him the twenty.

The collector continues: “Hey, for the 20 bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat’s used to it and it’ll save me from having to get a dish.”

And the owner says: “Sorry, buddy, but that’s my lucky saucer. So far this week, I’ve sold 68 cats.”

9. Genie grants another wish …

A salesman walking along the beach found a bottle. When he rubbed it, lo and behold, a genie appeared.

“I will grant you three wishes,” announced the genie. “But, for every wish you make, your rival gets the wish as well — only double.”

The salesman thought about this for a while.

“For my first wish, I would like ten million dollars,” he announced.

Instantly the genie gave him a Swiss bank account number and assured the man that $10,000,000 had been deposited.

“But your rival has just received $20,000,000,” the genie said.

“I’ve always wanted a Ferrari,” the salesman said. Instantly a Ferrari appeared.

“But your rival has just received two Ferraris,” the genie said. “And what is your last wish?”

“Well,” said the salesman, “I’ve always wanted to donate a kidney for transplant.”

 

And finally, our favorite one:

10. It’s a matter of perspective

Three violin manufactures have all done business for years on the same block in the small town of Cremona, Italy. After years of a peaceful co-existence, the Amati shop decided to put a sign in the window saying: “We make the best violins in Italy.”

The Guarneri shop soon followed suit, and put a sign in their window proclaiming: “We make the best violins in the world.”

Finally, the Stradivarius family put a sign out at their shop saying: “We make the best violins on the block.”