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Jan 5, 2023
Resolving Conflict at Work Takes Courage, Respect and Curiosity
Brenda Smyth
Resolving workplace conflict requires conversation — not avoidance. While you can’t control how the other person will react when you initiate that conversation, being brave, respectful and curious, you can greatly improve the outcome.
Most of us overlook small irritations at work. Oh, sure, we might complain a little …“Wes isn’t pulling his weight.” “Abby didn’t even ask me about changing that deadline.” “Why didn’t Jessica include me in that email?” … then we move on about our business.
But sometimes conflict and workplace disagreement build. Our expectations aren’t met or someone else’s expectations regularly seem unrealistic. “Abby never checks in with me before she changes a deadline.” “It seems like Wes always gets out of doing his share of the work.” “And every time Jessica sends an email about my project, she leaves me out.”
Frustration, anger, resentment take root.
But instead of addressing the issue, many of us are avoiders.
Or we wait so long holding onto these feelings that we eventually snap and release a tirade that blindsides the other person.
Be brave to resolve conflict
It takes courageous conversations to move past conflict. If you’re an avoider, remember that you can’t resolve disagreements without having a conversation. Sure, there’s merit in overlooking little things. But, when the problem is bigger, no amount of avoiding or not speaking will bring resolution. Even though you think your “silence is speaking volumes,” it’s not actually moving you closer to a resolution.
If you’re hoping that by avoiding someone, you’ll cause the other person to eventually ask if “there’s something wrong,” that could happen. But how will forcing them to initiate the conversation change the outcome? It won’t. Honest communication will save you from the bottled up frustration you feel by avoiding conflict, suggests Sean Grover L.C.S.W. for pscyhologytoday.com.
Be respectful to resolve conflict
Approach a difficult conversation calmly and well prepared. To prepare, consider what happened from both your perspective and the other person’s perspective. Consider how you both might feel about it and why.
Then, ask for a convenient time to talk. Start the conversation on a positive note. Describe what happened using “I” statements and without blame. Stay away from the words “always,” “everything,” and “never.” Don’t be sarcastic or condescending.
Describe your concerns and the impact on you. Keep your words objective.
Be curious to resolve conflict
Listen without interruption to the other person’s perspective, with the goal of understanding what he or she is thinking and feeling. Your listening goal is not to try to determine who’s right or wrong, but rather to stay curious. To do this you must assume good intent.
“Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by neglect.” Hanlon’s razor reminds us that usually people are not intentionally trying to cause problems for us. Taking this mindset will help you feel less irritated and stressed. It will help you stay calm and in control of your emotions.
Conflict at work is inevitable. Don’t let your fear of confrontation keep you from moving forward, having those conversations and working toward resolutions.
Related article: How to Be Assertive By Choosing the Right Words at the Right Time
Brenda Smyth
Brenda Smyth is supervisor of content creation at SkillPath. Drawing from 20-plus years of business and management experience, her writings have appeared on Forbes.com, Entrepreneur.com and Training Industry Magazine.
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