Silence as a Negotiating Tactic: Say Nothing the Right Way

You’ve reached the final stage of negotiations: maybe for a new job, maybe with a new vendor or customer, perhaps in the potential sale or purchase of an entire business.

What’s the best thing you can say to give yourself the best chance of getting what you want?

Maybe nothing. 

Silence is a powerful tool in the give-and-take of negotiation – precisely because it disrupts the rhythm of the proceedings and forces both parties into uncomfortable territory.

According to psychologists, silence – instead of being interpreted as natural and neutral – is usually seen as a breakdown in communication. We see it as expressing disinterest at best, a sign of conflict at worst.

So, the natural inclination is to fill it. And in negotiations, that can mean making more concessions than you’d originally intended, just to get the conversation going again.

You can make that work for you by getting comfortable with tactical silence – silence with a purpose – and by making sure you’re saying nothing in the most effective way.

Just as communication is most effective when nonverbal cues match what’s being said, silence also packs more punch when your body language and facial expressions match your intention.

Say only what you need – and nothing more

There are two times when tactical silence is especially effective in negotiations. 

The first comes before anyone starts talking about concrete terms: a salary offer, preferred customer status, a specific volume discount.

Taking the initiative – because you always want the other side to make the first offer – you ask the all-important question:

“So, what are we thinking?”

Then hold silence with a pleasant expression. Keep your body language open, and lean slightly forward to send a message of cooperation and flexibility. 

Wait for the other side’s offer. Nod. Sit back.

This is where things can really pull you out of your comfort zone. Now is the second time you’ll want to keep quiet  – even if it’s a great offer. After all, it might not be their best offer.

Again, the right kind of nonverbal communication is key while holding tactical silence. But while smiles generally convey happiness, and frowns the opposite, the reverse holds true here.

So, if the other side’s offer would be acceptable as is – but you want to see if you can hold out for a better deal – affect a thoughtful expression: brows furrowed, lips slightly pursed, mouth turned down at the corners.

Looking up, moving your head slightly back and forth (and occasionally nodding) gives the impression that you’re seriously weighing the offer but aren’t quite there yet. 

Give them a chance to fill that uncomfortable silence with a better deal.

Shift the discomfort when you’re being lowballed

What if the offer isn’t acceptable at all? 

Maybe they’re deliberately lowballing you to see what you will take. Or maybe they’re trying to throw you off, get an emotional reaction and use that to take control of the negotiations.

Don’t play the game. 

Hold silence. Look down. Give a tight-lipped smile – but only with your mouth. Don’t let it reach your eyes. 

Take in a deep breath. Let it out. Put your hands out, palms up, and shrug once.

Then stand up. 

Here’s where you have to push through your own discomfort – and leverage any discomfort your silence might cause across the table.

Now you do want to convey that communication has broken down – and they’re the ones who broke it.

If the other side doesn’t immediately ask you to wait – preferably with a concession immediately following – then break the silence with one word:

“Sorry.” 

Then leave, or indicate the door if the negotiation is happening in your space. And you don’t have to say anything else after that. Your time, your energy and your value are worth more than words, and a lowball offer wastes all three.

For more on maintaining self-control in tense communications, check out How to Remain Cool and Collected in Challenging Conversations

These behaviors might seem unnatural. They might seem manipulative. They’re not. They’re unspoken ways of reinforcing boundaries in the negotiating process.

That said, they might not come naturally. If they don’t, practice them in front of a mirror. Have someone help you roleplay. Think of it as a key step in preparing for any negotiation, a step just as important as market research or knowing the general salary range for a role.

And when the time comes, you’ll know just what not to say – and how to not say it.