Silence as a Communications Tool: When it’s Best to Take a Moment

Mindful, intentional silence can be a powerful tool in negotiations, but it has valuable roles to play in other workplace interactions as well.

Any time a hasty response might cause problems – which is pretty much all the time – taking a short break from talking can help defuse awkward situations or even avoid them altogether.

Three examples:

1. Silence helps you respond – not just react

   If silence makes you uncomfortable, it can be tempting to answer any question or respond to every suggestion with the first thing that comes into your head.  

   One reason for this, psychologists say, is that people have an innate – but unfounded – prejudice against delayed answers. Quicker responses come off as more sincere, while there’s a tendency to associate answering slowly with deception.

   However, sincerity is no guarantee of quality – and taking even a short time to think before speaking can ensure that you give a considered response, not a reflexive reaction.

   This sort of reflective silence is different from the so-called “Gen Z Stare” – which, to be fair, is not confined to any one generation.

   The latter is marked by a blank expression, even for simple queries. Reflective silence should be accompanied by a thoughtful demeanor, demonstrating that you’re giving a serious matter serious consideration. 

   It can also help to say, “Let me think on that just a second” going in. That way, people know you aren’t dismissing them.

   Obviously, to overcome the innate prejudice against delayed answers, your responses must be sincere and straightforward. And when you build a track record of giving thoughtful contributions, those around you will come to understand that when you do break silence, it will be with something worthwhile.

2. Just the basic facts – unless more are needed

   Mindful, intentional silence can also help keep you from “information dumping” in workplace conversations.

   If you’re someone whose love language is all the detail you can give another person, all at once, that can leave them feeling overwhelmed.

   Some information might not be relevant. Some, they might already know. 

   The end result? Frustration for them, perhaps an unfair reputation as a know-it-all for you.

   Permanently masking your communication style isn’t the answer. Everyone’s different wiring deserves respect and consideration. That said, adjustments to style can go a long way toward mutual understanding and collaboration.

   Instead of data dumping straight out of the gate, it can be helpful to ask, “What information would be helpful right now?”

   Then hold silence and allow the other person time to identify, process, and state their needs. 

    

   Want more on effective workplace interactions? Check out Breaking Bad Communication Habits

    

   Maybe all the information all at once really would help. Maybe they’re looking for one or two pertinent facts that they can run with. Or maybe they need to process data in stages.

   You’re still being helpful by providing your information and expertise – but you’re doing it in a way that the other person can take in and process at their speed and comfort levels.

   That positions you as a great resource and a valuable teammate, someone who can provide a wealth of information in your areas of interest and expertise.

3. “Did you really mean to say that?”

   Silence is also useful in getting others to reflect on their own words and actions, in a way that direct verbal confrontation can’t.

   Someone makes an inappropriate joke? Nothing says “Really?” like stony silence. 

   For maximum effect, combine this with unmistakable nonverbal cues: narrowed eyes, mouth pulled down at one corner, nose wrinkled as though you smell something unpleasant. 

   Follow that with a slow headshake, and the message will get through: “Best to keep that sort of thing to yourself.”

   Ideally, this prompts the jokester to apologize and acknowledge that they’ve been inappropriate. But if their response is “Lighten up, it’s just a joke,” drive home the fact that it isn’t just a joke with steady, unbroken eye contact and a slight head tilt.

   When the other person breaks eye contact, that’s your cue to end the interaction – again, silently. If you’re in their space or a neutral area, turn and walk away. If it happens in your workspace, find something on your computer that holds all your attention. 

   Even if they acknowledge their action and apologize, resist the urge to break the tension immediately by saying, “It’s OK.” 

   More silence, accompanied by a serious expression and a slow nod of the head, reinforces the discomfort the other person needs to feel for the message to stick. Then move immediately to a business-related subject.

   You’ll have made your point without direct confrontation, which often just fuels conflict and makes the other person – even if they’re clearly in the wrong – feel unjustly attacked or shamed.